Monday, 18 April 2011

20 years

Tomorrow, April 19th, marks 20 years to the day since I was diagnosed with type 1.

I've been putting off thinking about it. I'm pretty diabetes'd out right now. I don't know if I can cope with thinking about it too much - the what ifs, the whys, the if onlys.

I deal pretty well with it most of the time. I've worked out that on average, I have 2 'moments' a year - which usually end up with me in tears in my bed watching one of my favourite films in an attempt to distract myself. A bit like Joe Solo's diabetes duvet days. Inevitably, after a couple of hours, I pull myself together, I get my head back on straight, and life continues (and after all the awful news stories this week, I am glad that I have that life to continue).

I spent yesterday at the London marathon, cheering on the JDRF runners. All 150something of them, they were amazing. But the turning moment of my day was around 10am, when a lady came up to me and asked if I had a spare JDRF tshirt. I happily dug one out a box as she said, "my friend is running in memory of my daughter."

And I nearly burst into tears there. Because there should be no 'in memories' (because god forbid, that could be words that pass my mum's lips one day). There should be no family losing a member to type 1. This is why we need the cure so badly.

And this is why tomorrow, I am going to raise a toast to myself, for 20 years and still winning. The battle will never be over, but I am winning it. I'm pretty tired of the battle now though, to tell you the truth.

But the MAIN reason I came to post today was to ask that tomorrow, you read an extra special post I'm going to put up. A while ago, I asked my mum if she would write a blog post about the day I was diagnosed. At first she politely said no, that it would be too upsetting. I persisted in my usual manner, and I am so proud to be able to put up her post tomorrow. She has written it so well, and I was in floods of tears reading it. I'm also going to ask something really cheeky: please, if you read it, will you retweet/share it/link to it on whatever social media platform you use? I really want as many people to read it so they can understand why we need a cure so badly.

Thanks. I'll blog later this week. I need to get my head around all the emotions I'm feeling to do with 20 years. I know so many people that are hitting way past that mark, but this is the first 'big' number I've reached and noticed.


Sam said...

Shiv, you are amazing you know? I honestly feel that you are one of my best friends and I will most certainly be thinking of you tomorrow :)

Sam xxx

Holly ♥ said...

looking forward to reading this tommorow. i'm sure that i will cry and every D mum is an inspirational mum. you are amazing for going through this for 20 years and still winning! i've met many amazing people this week that have had it up to 37 years, and it's put my own time with diabetes into perspective. i haven't had it a long time, but people like you have. honestly, i thought i'd had it for a long time before this week, but 7 years is nothing compared to this. i want to say i love you for sharing this <3

Big Swifty said...

Yes, I will share it. Looking forward to reading it, and meeting her this Easter, and you too of course!!!!! Love from the Budds xxx

Sara said...

Can't wait to read tomorrow! I was diagnosed at 22 and in the ER by myself at college. I wonder what my mom remembers from that day?!

I love Joe Solo!

Kim said...

Congrats on the milestone! I'm looking forward to "celebrating" 25 years in a few days here. Cheers to us both! :)

meanderings said...

I'm looking forward to reading your mum's post tomorrow also.
Cheers to you for 20 years of a great life!

Kaitake said...

Congratulations on the big D-2-0! :)

I've never celebrated a diagnosis anniversary before, but it's pretty easy for me to remember the date: 8.8.88

Can't wait to read tomorrows post :D

Karen G said...

Twenty years is quite an accomplishment and a journey. Take your time working through all of the emotions - and I'm looking forward to reading your mom's post!!